Crisp Review

Space Raiders - Spicy

I’ve overlooked these due to their ubiquity. But they’re something of a favourite of mine. They’re made by KP Snacks, and have been around for a long time, introduced in the late 1970s. Cheap and cheerful, good corner shop fare!

Well, where do we start? let’s deal with the controversy. They’re no longer 10p. But there appears to have been a format shift. 28g packs are now pretty standard, gone are the small bags that used to be 10p, at least in my neck of the woods. And for 25p, you’re still getting an absolute bargain.

Packaging, next. They’re wonderfully retro. They’ve got a fun description of the aliens on the back. And black’s an unusual colour for a crisp packet. That and the neon colours certainly make hem stand out from the crowd. But I can’t comprehend why the Spicy Space Raider has a melty face… They’re not that hot!

In fact, they’re not spicy at all. But they’re mighty tasty. Sweet and tangy with a good bit of tomato thrown into the mix. Which seems to be pretty standard for ‘spicy’ flavours. They’re not as flavourful as I remember, probably the result of an ill advised shift in recipe in a bold THINK OF THE CHILDREN move. But they’re still delicious.

The crisps themselves are good. They’re supposedly alien shaped, made from puffed maize and wheat. They’re nice and crunchy, even if they do look like The Scream…

Crunch: 8/10 (The Maize and Wheat give a good crunch!)
Flavour
- Intensity: 6/10 (Not as strong as they used to be.)
- Accuracy: -/10 (What is Spicy and why is it so ubiquitous!?)
Quality: 8/10
Packaging: 8/10 (Nice and retro.)

Nothing extraordinary, but very tasty, and good value. I don’t have to advise you to buy them, because you already have.

Golden Wonder - Chip Shop Curry

I was looking for something festive to review this week. I could have looked harder, but I didn’t. So we’re stuck with something distinctly un-festive.

PICTURE FORTHCOMING (And I promise to get one on, this time).

I start the review with a question, this week. What is it with British attempts at ‘curry flavor’? Why do they always have a hint of raisin about them? I don’t think I’ve ever had a curry with raisins in… These crisps were no exception to that rule. But that’s not to say they tasted bad. Other than the slight hint of raisin, then, there’s a little bit of undefinable spice and a bit of salt. Tasty enough, but nothing too exciting.

The ingredients are plentiful, and include Onion Powder, Molasses Powder, Turmeric Powder, Liquorice Powder and Chilli Powder, none of which I could really taste.

I feel compelled, at this point, to dispute the packets assertion that these are “full on flavour crisps”

Beyond that, these are very yellow crisps. I wish I had a picture to show you. They’re not luminescent by any stretch of the imagination, but they were slightly startling. Which is good I guess, chip shop curry is always an odd colour, and always requires a second glance.

In terms of texture they’re typical Golden Wonder, quite thin, and crisp, rather than thick and crunchy. Pleasant enough, but not my favourite style.

The packaging is strange, and rather unappealing. Whilst brown and yellow capute the essence of chip shop curry, they’re not a fantastic combination. And the image on the pack is very much ‘old wallpaper’. All in all, very odd.

Crunch: 7/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 6/10
- Accuracy: 6/10
Quality: 7/10
Packaging: 5/10

Very much middle of the road.

Smith’s - Scampi Fries

My oh my, what a treat this week. Another Walkers product, sure, but something a little different, and pretty damn tasty…

Let’s start, as we almost always do, with the ingredients. (I’m may have to come up with a new format for the new year, this approach is starting to get tedious, even by my standards.) They contain Wheatflour, Vegetable Oil, Maize, and all manner of flavourings and sundry ingredients including, but not limited to, MSG, Paprika, Soya Grits, and Salt.

I must say, they’re quite an unusual snack in many respects…

The unusual experience begins upon opening the pack. To put it mildly, a rather pungent aroma escapes and pollutes the immediate environment. They are, by and far, the smelliest snacks I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing. In fact, a word of warning is in order, the pungency of these crisps may not be appreciated by your significant other. The response is not dissimilar to that exhibited by vampires when confronted with garlic. But let that not put you off.

The texture is splendid. Very, very crunchy. The best way to describe these is a small maize parcel. And they’ve got a very strong taste - a little citric, and a little fishy - but they’re most delicious and very moreish. Which brings us to their main downfall… they come in pitifully small packets.

Whilst the size of the pack was the saving grace for Smith’s Cheese Flavoured Moments I enjoy the Scampi Fries far too much for 28g to be enough.

Let’s get to the numbers:

Crunch: 9/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 9/10
- Accuracy: 6/10
Quality: 8/10
Packaging: 8/10

These crisps are, as I have said, unusual. And they are certainly not for people of a weak disposition. But they’re fantastic. And you should certainly buy some.

Blair’s - Death Rain Habanero

Time for something special this week… Blair’s Death Rain Habanero. I’m aware of the Blair’s brand - he produces some mighty delicious hot sauces - and these crisps, but I was a little surprised to see them in a pub this week. Whilst I was busy working out whether crisps or beer represented best value for money my friend bought a bag. So, without further ado, let’s get to the review.

Let’s start with the packaging for this one. Look at it. I don’t think there’s anything I need to say. Upon spying this bag, I knew I was in for a treat.

The ingredients are “Select potatoes, peanut oil, dehydrated cane juice, salt, paprika, garlic powder, spices, natural smoke flavour (less than 2% silicon dioxide), and soybean oil”. There we are again, “select potatoes”. Why do so many packets say this on them? How would potatoes get into the manufacturing process if they weren’t being selected? It’s beginning to irritate me some what.

But more bizarrely than selected potatoes, silicon dioxide. Whilst I didn’t know what that was off the bat, the internet tells me it’s basically sand. I’m not sure how I feel about that one. Any way, whilst the ingredients indicate otherwise, the flavouring in the bag seems to look like little more than sugar and chilli powder. No sign of sand here…

Talking of flavouring, flippin’ ‘eck! These things are spicy.

Spicy, spicy, spicy.

I think we shared a small bag between 6, and were all perfectly satisfied with our relatively meagre portions. Sure, they’re spicy, but beneath the phenomenal heat lies a fantastic sweet, smokey, and very moreish flavour. And with mouth ablaze I was compelled to shovel crisp after crisp in; and in return I was granted the endorphin rush chilli lovers seem to crave.

The crisps are of a pretty good standard too. Nice and crunchy, and dark with flavouring. As with Kettle Chips the flavouring comes off on your hands, which means you get a nice burst of heat and flavour if you decide to lick them.

Crunch: 8/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 10/10
- Accuracy: 8/10
Quality: 9/10
Packaging: 9/10 (Just a little bit ridiculous, and almost wonderfully no nonsense, but I’m still bitter about the selected potatoes…)

An absolutely marvellous bag of crisps that you should try as soon as you can. And if you’re thinking “but I don’t like spicy food”, then get some, and learn to like it. Probably the best packet of crisps I’ve had since I started this blog.

Golden Wonder - Tangy Toms

More ‘untraditional’ goodness from Golden Wonder, in the shape of Tangy Toms. There’s little to say by way of introduction this week, so I’ll just dive straight in…

I think I’ll start with the ingredients here; Maize, Vegetable Oil and Tomato Flavouring. That’s Maize, not Potato, so we’ve not got a crisp here really, have we? Not that it matters, they’re sold alongside the crisps, which is good enough for me.

These Tangy Toms are little puffed balls of maize, with a pretty interesting texture. They’re crunchy, but then dissolve into all but nothingness, leaving a chewy residue behind. Pleasant enough, but nothing too fantastic.

The taste was pretty good, however! Sweet, but tangy; more similar to Tomato Ketchup than any tomato I’ve ever had. And they’re a rather moreish snack, no doubt the result of initial strong flavour.

The packing is mildly amusing, no idea why the Tomato on the front looks so angry. Unless, of course, he’s a representation of a Tangy Tom. If that’s the case he doesn’t look angry enough… And there are no wild claims here, just useful nutritional information on the back.

Crunch: 6/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 8/10
- Accuracy: 4/10 (Not really tomato)
Quality: 8/10 (Very uniform, but not exceptional)
Packaging: 7/10

All in all, a very middle of the road snack, but they’re definitely nice enough for the price. And it feels good to venture out of the Walkers ghetto every once in a while.

Red Sky - West Country Bacon & Cream Cheese

Red Sky crisps are Walkers response to crisps such as Kettle Crisps and Burts. But there’s nothing on the packet to indicate the provenance of the brand, either an attempt to truly distinguish these crisps, or an underhand marketing ploy. I’m not sure, and I’m not sure it really matters…

These crisps claim to be “made with 100% natural seasonings”, and the ingredient list reflects this. Made with “British Potatoes, Sunflower Oil, Sea Salt … Dried Cream Cheese, Dried Yoghurt” and a mysterious “Natural Flavouring” these crisps are suitable for vegetarians, which is always a bonus (being a vegetablist myself).

The packaging is nice. The bag feels like waxed paper, and though the inside is lined, it feels a lot nicer than traditional crisp packaging. I’m also a fan of the branding, it’s understated but distinctive. From the outside, then, these definitely look like a ‘premium’ crisps, and a worthwhile competitor to Kettle Chips, et al. They also come in 150g share size bags.

Upon opening the pack, we’re met with crisps of varying size, and a very satisfactory thickness. They’ve got a good solid crunch to them, and seem less greasy than many other crisps I’ve had. Another +1 on the ‘Premium’ front. Nothing soggy or overly cloying here.

However, in terms of taste, there is but one word…

Artificial bacon is artificial bacon, is artificial bacon, is artificial bacon… But they’re mighty tasty! And I might be being a little unfair, the cream cheese certainly adds something, but it doesn’t take away the dominant Frazzle-esque note.

Crunch: 8/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 7/10 (Strong, but not overly so)
- Accuracy: -/10 (Having forgotten what bacon tastes like, I can’t really make an honest assessment here)
Quality: 9/10
Packaging: 9/10

All in all, then, a very satisfying packet of crisps, and a nice change of pace from your more traditional bag. And this is reflected in both the price and packaging size (share size bags are pretty much the modus operandi of this type of crisp).

Golden Cross - Mega Crunch

I’ve never heard of Golden Cross before, and the reverse of the packet proudly proclaims that the crisps are “MADE IN SCOTLAND”, which is nice. Yet, despite my unfamiliarity with the brand, I’m sure I’ve seen something like this before. Yeah, there’s definitely something familiar about a claw shaped, maize based, snack… I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

I suppose, then, it would only be fair to review them.

I should start by saying that these crisps are not messing around. I mean, look at them. The packaging takes the no nonsense approach of using capital letters everywhere, and proudly declares that they’re “SO FULL OF SPICY! FLAVOUR”.

And the allergy warning is amongst the most comprehensive I’ve ever seen, containing “Gluten, Wheat, Rye, Barley, Oats, Spelt, Kamut & their Hybridised Strains, Soya, Milk, Celery, and Mustard. Manufactured in a factory where Nuts and Sesame Seeds are handled”. It would be easier to tell you what isn’t in these crisps, rather than try and tell you what is.

In fact, I think I’ll do that. Potato. Potato isn’t in these crisps. But Semolina is, for some strange reason. In all honesty, you can’t help but get the feeling you’re in for an unusual treat with these bad boys.

But alas, you’re not. Whilst they’re nice and crunchy, and nice and tangy, and a little bit tomato-y, the SPICY! flavour doesn’t seem to come through too well. But, the aerated maize definitely makes for a nice change from a potato chip, and SPICY! is quite an interesting flavour, even if it’s mostly tomato.

However, there’s no tomato in the ingredients. Which suggests there’s some level of witchcraft going on here…

So let’s break it all down.

Crunch: 9/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 8/10
- Accuracy: 0/10 (Whatever SPICY! is supposed to be, I don’t think it’s tomato)
Quality: 6/10
Packaging: 3/10 (Whilst amusing, they really oversell themselves with all the SHOUTING and EXCLAMATION MARKS!)

Overall, an enjoyable packet of crisps, and quite amusingly packaged.