Crisp Review

Walker’s - Meaty Flavour Potato Crisps

NOTE: I received these crisps free of charge. My review is not biased by this fact. The crisps are (and will) be judged solely on their merits, as always.

This is the first in a three part series of reviews, dealing with the mysterious (and as yet, unreleased) crisps sent to me by Walkers. Firstly, let me extend thanks to Walkers, and the one (also) known as Sam who I think decided I should receive these crisps. These reviews are probably going to be a bit longer than my usual reviews, because I’m quite excited by the whole experience, and it seems only fair to give other people who can’t get hold of them yet as much information as possible.

The first of these reviews then, deals with the “Meaty Flavoured” crisps. The second and third will deal with “Spicy Flavour” and “Dairy Flavour”. The vagueness of the names and the blandness of the packaging has provided an interesting challenge, it seems we take a lot of cues from the packaging when we decide what it is we’re actually tasting….

Anyway, enough introductory spiel, let’s get to the review.

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Golden Wonder - Chip Shop Curry

I was looking for something festive to review this week. I could have looked harder, but I didn’t. So we’re stuck with something distinctly un-festive.

PICTURE FORTHCOMING (And I promise to get one on, this time).

I start the review with a question, this week. What is it with British attempts at ‘curry flavor’? Why do they always have a hint of raisin about them? I don’t think I’ve ever had a curry with raisins in… These crisps were no exception to that rule. But that’s not to say they tasted bad. Other than the slight hint of raisin, then, there’s a little bit of undefinable spice and a bit of salt. Tasty enough, but nothing too exciting.

The ingredients are plentiful, and include Onion Powder, Molasses Powder, Turmeric Powder, Liquorice Powder and Chilli Powder, none of which I could really taste.

I feel compelled, at this point, to dispute the packets assertion that these are “full on flavour crisps”

Beyond that, these are very yellow crisps. I wish I had a picture to show you. They’re not luminescent by any stretch of the imagination, but they were slightly startling. Which is good I guess, chip shop curry is always an odd colour, and always requires a second glance.

In terms of texture they’re typical Golden Wonder, quite thin, and crisp, rather than thick and crunchy. Pleasant enough, but not my favourite style.

The packaging is strange, and rather unappealing. Whilst brown and yellow capute the essence of chip shop curry, they’re not a fantastic combination. And the image on the pack is very much ‘old wallpaper’. All in all, very odd.

Crunch: 7/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 6/10
- Accuracy: 6/10
Quality: 7/10
Packaging: 5/10

Very much middle of the road.

Smith’s - Scampi Fries

My oh my, what a treat this week. Another Walkers product, sure, but something a little different, and pretty damn tasty…

Let’s start, as we almost always do, with the ingredients. (I’m may have to come up with a new format for the new year, this approach is starting to get tedious, even by my standards.) They contain Wheatflour, Vegetable Oil, Maize, and all manner of flavourings and sundry ingredients including, but not limited to, MSG, Paprika, Soya Grits, and Salt.

I must say, they’re quite an unusual snack in many respects…

The unusual experience begins upon opening the pack. To put it mildly, a rather pungent aroma escapes and pollutes the immediate environment. They are, by and far, the smelliest snacks I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing. In fact, a word of warning is in order, the pungency of these crisps may not be appreciated by your significant other. The response is not dissimilar to that exhibited by vampires when confronted with garlic. But let that not put you off.

The texture is splendid. Very, very crunchy. The best way to describe these is a small maize parcel. And they’ve got a very strong taste - a little citric, and a little fishy - but they’re most delicious and very moreish. Which brings us to their main downfall… they come in pitifully small packets.

Whilst the size of the pack was the saving grace for Smith’s Cheese Flavoured Moments I enjoy the Scampi Fries far too much for 28g to be enough.

Let’s get to the numbers:

Crunch: 9/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 9/10
- Accuracy: 6/10
Quality: 8/10
Packaging: 8/10

These crisps are, as I have said, unusual. And they are certainly not for people of a weak disposition. But they’re fantastic. And you should certainly buy some.

Blair’s - Death Rain Habanero

Time for something special this week… Blair’s Death Rain Habanero. I’m aware of the Blair’s brand - he produces some mighty delicious hot sauces - and these crisps, but I was a little surprised to see them in a pub this week. Whilst I was busy working out whether crisps or beer represented best value for money my friend bought a bag. So, without further ado, let’s get to the review.

Let’s start with the packaging for this one. Look at it. I don’t think there’s anything I need to say. Upon spying this bag, I knew I was in for a treat.

The ingredients are “Select potatoes, peanut oil, dehydrated cane juice, salt, paprika, garlic powder, spices, natural smoke flavour (less than 2% silicon dioxide), and soybean oil”. There we are again, “select potatoes”. Why do so many packets say this on them? How would potatoes get into the manufacturing process if they weren’t being selected? It’s beginning to irritate me some what.

But more bizarrely than selected potatoes, silicon dioxide. Whilst I didn’t know what that was off the bat, the internet tells me it’s basically sand. I’m not sure how I feel about that one. Any way, whilst the ingredients indicate otherwise, the flavouring in the bag seems to look like little more than sugar and chilli powder. No sign of sand here…

Talking of flavouring, flippin’ ‘eck! These things are spicy.

Spicy, spicy, spicy.

I think we shared a small bag between 6, and were all perfectly satisfied with our relatively meagre portions. Sure, they’re spicy, but beneath the phenomenal heat lies a fantastic sweet, smokey, and very moreish flavour. And with mouth ablaze I was compelled to shovel crisp after crisp in; and in return I was granted the endorphin rush chilli lovers seem to crave.

The crisps are of a pretty good standard too. Nice and crunchy, and dark with flavouring. As with Kettle Chips the flavouring comes off on your hands, which means you get a nice burst of heat and flavour if you decide to lick them.

Crunch: 8/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 10/10
- Accuracy: 8/10
Quality: 9/10
Packaging: 9/10 (Just a little bit ridiculous, and almost wonderfully no nonsense, but I’m still bitter about the selected potatoes…)

An absolutely marvellous bag of crisps that you should try as soon as you can. And if you’re thinking “but I don’t like spicy food”, then get some, and learn to like it. Probably the best packet of crisps I’ve had since I started this blog.

Sainsbury’s - Salt & Vinegar Crunch Sticks

I’ve not yet reviewed any ‘own brand’ crisps, but there’s nothing too surprising about that. As with last week, these aren’t crisps in the strictest sense, but tasty none the less. Anyway, enough rambling, here we are…

PICTURE FORTHCOMING

The packet now declares “Improved Recipe”, and the crisps include “Maize; Dried Potato; High Oleic Sunflower Oil; Salt and Vinegar Flavouring; Salt”. They used to contain milk powder, but don’t any more, rectifying the strange situation whereby their bacon flavoured crisps were vegan but their salt and vinegar ones were not.

What we’re looking are, basically, Chipsticks. For those who are unaware of Chipsticks, shame on you they’re crunchy sticks of maize produced by Walkers. But these are made for Sainsbury’s, and aren’t called Chipsticks. Clear? Good.

The crisps are lovely and crunchy, and the salt and vinegar flavour is bang on. Nice and strong, and ever so slightly acidic. They also leave a coating in the mouth, of little bits of crisp and oil, but it’s pleasant, rather than off putting. And some of the flavouring comes off on your fingers, which makes for a lovely treat.

Definitely a nice change from your standard potato crisp.

The packaging in unoffensive, and follows the blue = salt and vinegar colour scheme - contrary to walkers aberration of blue = cheese and onion - which gains them points in my book. It’s also got the little traffic light nutrition info, which I don’t really like, that might be a plus for some.

They also come in rather large 140g packs which I find difficult to stop eating once I’ve started. I can’t work out whether this is a good or bad thing.

Here are the numbers…

Crunch: 8/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 8/10
- Accuracy: 8/10 
Quality: 8/10 (Uniform, with few crumbs.)
Packaging: 7/10

All in all, a good snack.

Golden Wonder - Tangy Toms

More ‘untraditional’ goodness from Golden Wonder, in the shape of Tangy Toms. There’s little to say by way of introduction this week, so I’ll just dive straight in…

I think I’ll start with the ingredients here; Maize, Vegetable Oil and Tomato Flavouring. That’s Maize, not Potato, so we’ve not got a crisp here really, have we? Not that it matters, they’re sold alongside the crisps, which is good enough for me.

These Tangy Toms are little puffed balls of maize, with a pretty interesting texture. They’re crunchy, but then dissolve into all but nothingness, leaving a chewy residue behind. Pleasant enough, but nothing too fantastic.

The taste was pretty good, however! Sweet, but tangy; more similar to Tomato Ketchup than any tomato I’ve ever had. And they’re a rather moreish snack, no doubt the result of initial strong flavour.

The packing is mildly amusing, no idea why the Tomato on the front looks so angry. Unless, of course, he’s a representation of a Tangy Tom. If that’s the case he doesn’t look angry enough… And there are no wild claims here, just useful nutritional information on the back.

Crunch: 6/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 8/10
- Accuracy: 4/10 (Not really tomato)
Quality: 8/10 (Very uniform, but not exceptional)
Packaging: 7/10

All in all, a very middle of the road snack, but they’re definitely nice enough for the price. And it feels good to venture out of the Walkers ghetto every once in a while.

Samuel Smith’s - Cheese and Onion

A nice bag of crisps for you this week, in Sam Smith’s Cheese and Onion. Samuel Smiths is a lovely chain of pubs, serving cheap beer and good food, with an express policy of not serving or supplying branded goods. But, as with so many crisps, they’re made by Walkers (edit; this might not be true, I remember being told it a few years ago, and Wikipedia agrees with me, but there’s no source for the information)… I really need to broaden my horizons!

(Apologies for the poor quality of the photo, I took it the other day and appear to have mislaid the pack since)

So, the ingredients are Potatoes, Sunflower Oil, and Cheese and Onion Flavouring which contains, amongst other ingredients, Black Pepper and Paprika extract. Quite unusual ingredients, don’t you think? But they definitely add a certain something.

The crisps are pretty standards walkers thickness, but the pack I had had flecks of skin around the edges, which was a nice touch.  So we’ve got a decent amount of crunch going on, coupled with that lovely amount of grease that Walkers’ Cheese and Onion crisps usually have. The flavour is pretty good enhanced, no doubt, by the Paprika and Black Pepper extracts.

We have, then, something approaching the perfect pub crisp here, good flavour, good crunch, and good texture.

And the packaging is pretty interesting. It’s in keeping with the decor of Sam Smiths pubs, plain and a little old fashioned. The pack also informs us of the variety of crisps used, which is pretty rare!

Crunch: 6/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 7/10
- Accuracy: 7/10
Quality: 8/10
Packaging: 6/10

Nice enough crisps, and as I love their beer they’ve certainly got a captive audience.

Smiths - Cheese Flavoured Moments

I was planning to review Smith’s Scampi Fries this week, but I had an experience on Wednesday which left me emotionally scarred and morally undermined. Before we progress, let’s note that Smiths are a Walkers product, not because it’s relevant to anything that follows, but because it’s nice to know.

Whilst carbonating crisps was an act of genius, filling a cereal shell with a cheese approximate was, perhaps, the biggest mistake ever made in the field of savoury snacks. Perhaps the fact they’re ‘cheese flavoured’ should have alerted me to the horrors that awaited.

Upon opening the packet I was met with an interesting smell, not wholly appealing, but not enough to put me off starting this  fateful journey.But when the first moment - to call them a crisp would be to sully the good name of crisps the world over - met my teeth it all went down hill…

The cereal shell was soft and chewy, but I could tell this wasn’t intentional. The ‘cheese’ flavoured filling was soft, yet paradoxically textureless. And the taste was all but non-existent. There was a hint of old sock that began to pervade as the pack went on, but it wasn’t strong enough to be a distinct and intended flavour.

They were, in a word, disgusting.

Then I looked at the ingredients list. “Vegetable Fat, Cheese Filling, Wheatbran, Wheat Rusk, Onion Flavour Flavouring, Whey Powder, Yeast Extract and Rennet (in the Whey powder)”. That’s right, Rennet, from an animal source. If I’d unwittingly compromised my dietary habits for a delicious snack I would have been annoyed with myself, but this discovery only compounded my disappointment with this foul snack.

After the unquantifiable success of the Roysters last week, I really messed up with this choice.

Crunch: 0/10
Flavour
- Intensity: 1/10
- Accuracy: 0/10 (Certainly not cheese.)
Quality: -/10 (I’m not sure what to say here, if they were meant to be like this then it’s a 10, but I can’t give them such a mark in good faith)
Packaging: 8/10 (Actually quite attractive, in a 70’s retro kind of way)

The only saving grace was the fact that these come in a 28g pack. Avoid at all costs.

Royster’s - T-Bone Steak

Royster’s Crisps are a Golden Wonder product, and one that I’ve seen from time to time but never had. It seems I’ve been missing out on something quite fantastic.

So, the ingredients. We’ve got Dried Potato, Sunflower Oil, and Steak Flavour (with a wide range of constituent ingredients, including MSG). Dried Potato is a first for me - that is to say I’ve not noticed it on an ingredients list before - but I suppose it’s necessary for the interesting texture and shape of the crisps, which is, ultimately, what these are are all about.

They’re bubbled.

For god’s sake, someone’s managed to carbonate crisps. And it was an absolute stroke of genius. These are completely unique in terms of texture, not crinkle cut, not flat, and not like any crisps I’ve had before… The bubbles create a large surface area for the flavour to adhere to, and provide a nice level of crunch. Once the bubbles have broken - with a satisfying crunch - the crisps become sort of chewy and get in between your teeth in a strangely satisfying manner.

The flavour is pretty good, savoury, but with a hint of sweetness that just adds to the whole experience. It’s one dimensional, and far from exceptional, but the bubbled crisps really carry the whole thing.

The branding smacks of Americana, which is an obvious choice. Come one, who else but the Americans would carbonate crisps with a straight face? I mean, they’ve fried Cola, for crying out loud. And who else would flavour them with T-Bone steak? Sure, it’s all a little tacky, but it’s nice enough.

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers…

Crunch: 10/10 (These are unique)
Flavour
- Intensity: 7/10
- Accuracy: -/10 (As with the Bacon flavour earlier, I can’t comment on this with authority)
Quality: 6/10 (Lots of crumbs at the end of the packet, and some dramatic inconsistency in size)
Packaging: 8/10

Buy them. Buy them now.

Kettle Chips - Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar

More ‘premium’ crisps this week. The Kettle Foods company has been around since 1978 and Kettle Chip are, for me, the original premium crisp; or rather, the first premium crisp to make it big in the UK. They’re now a ubiquitous brand and hold a large market share here in the UK.

But without further ado, let’s get on with the review…

These crisps claim to be hand-cooked, but I’m wary of how ‘hand-cooked’ they are because of the huge quantities produced. It can’t be an out and out lie, perhaps staff just transfer the chipped chips into the oven by hand? In fact, when I think about it, how on earth can anything ever be hand cooked? Surely most things are oven-cooked?

Anyway, the ingredients list is pleasingly simple with ‘Potatoes, Sunflower Oil and Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar Seasoning.  The ‘Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar Flavouring’ does contain malt vinegar, however, which is a little bit disappointing… but that’s just me being picky.

The packing has a similar ‘waxy’ feel to the Red Sky crisps I reviewed a couple of weeks ago, but is more plasticky, and not as pleasing over all. The branding is beautifully simple though, and the picture of crisps on the back is welcome… they’re a pretty fair representation of what you’re in for.

The real magic begins when you open the packet. The crisps are lovely and thick, having a pleasing dark tinge to them, and size and quality is pretty standard throughout the bag. They’re also some of the crunchiest crisps I’ve ever had and are loaded with flavour. The vinegar is tangy and the salt is evidently there. The intensity makes them ever so moreish, too, which is a good thing for Kettle Foods.

The most perversely pleasing thing about these, however, is the way the flavouring sticks to your fingers; creating in a thick, salty, greasy flavourful film on any finger tip which comes into with a crisp.

I feel some quantification is in order…

Crunch: 9/10 (We’re getting close to perfection, here.)
Flavour
- Intensity: 7/10
- Accuracy: 8/10 
Quality: 9/10
Packaging: 8/10

These crisps, then, are pretty darn delicious. And whilst the intensity makes them good for a treat, they’re not something I’d indulge in too regularly, lest they loose their magic.